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Your Elvenar Team
Funny Bones Required
- Thread starter Vergazi
- Start date
DeletedUser20951
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O_O
I SPOT CLASSIC JOKE. Haven't heard one of those in forever. Nice!
I SPOT CLASSIC JOKE. Haven't heard one of those in forever. Nice!
ajqtrz
Chef - loquacious Old Dog
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
And now for my favorite joke as of late. (I heard this on NPR, I believe).
Two avid baseball fans are arguing if there will be baseball in heaven. One is of the opinion that God will have so much for them to do they won't have time for baseball. The other argues that without baseball you can hardly call it heaven. The argument goes on for a long time until they both become very heated. At this point God shows up to settle the matter.
"Will there be baseball in heaven?" they ask.
God nods wisely. "The answer to that is difficult to reveal for it involves some good news, and some bad news. The good news is, 'yes,' there will be baseball in heaven."
Both fans are ecstatic. They jump up and down and scream in delight for a full five minutes before they hear God sigh. Then, remembering there was some 'bad news' with the good, one of them asks, "What's the bad news?"
God nods, sighs, and answers, "you are both on the roster for Wednesday's game."
AJ
He wasn't a chicken
And now for my favorite joke as of late. (I heard this on NPR, I believe).
Two avid baseball fans are arguing if there will be baseball in heaven. One is of the opinion that God will have so much for them to do they won't have time for baseball. The other argues that without baseball you can hardly call it heaven. The argument goes on for a long time until they both become very heated. At this point God shows up to settle the matter.
"Will there be baseball in heaven?" they ask.
God nods wisely. "The answer to that is difficult to reveal for it involves some good news, and some bad news. The good news is, 'yes,' there will be baseball in heaven."
Both fans are ecstatic. They jump up and down and scream in delight for a full five minutes before they hear God sigh. Then, remembering there was some 'bad news' with the good, one of them asks, "What's the bad news?"
God nods, sighs, and answers, "you are both on the roster for Wednesday's game."
AJ
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DeletedUser20951
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DeletedUser
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DeletedUser23255
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I’m not sure if I should be more concerned about
(a) the implication that you’re the next hitlers daddy/mommy
(b) that you’re about to be murdered
(c) or the love of your life is about to be murdered
(d) or you’re both about to be murdered
(e) that someone’s there to watch you and them doing you-know-what
(f) that someone feels justified to make someone pay for another’s crime
(g) maybe it’s just going to be a castration that goes horribly wrong?
DeletedUser20951
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Holy sh- smokes! There is a whole 'nother layer of depth to the little scopie that I never realized! I am beyond pleased by this. PLEASED. I think the answer is G, and my imagination is now departing to somewhere I'd really rather it not, but, eh, that's fairly normal.
DeletedUser19483
Guest
Don't Name Things You May Have To Kill
Son: Dad, Crocker died!
Dad: I told you not to name that chicken. You don't name things you may have to kill.
Son: Sorry Dad.
Dad: Now run along Boy Number 3.
Son: Ok Dad Number 2.
Son: Dad, Crocker died!
Dad: I told you not to name that chicken. You don't name things you may have to kill.
Son: Sorry Dad.
Dad: Now run along Boy Number 3.
Son: Ok Dad Number 2.
DeletedUser19483
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wow I'm proud to be so high up on what has to be quite a lengthy list #9,873,901
Vergazi
Well-Known Member
'THX 1138' is a chilling look at a 25th-century totalitarian state where mankind is stripped of any individuality. People are numbered drones, and a government-enforced program of sedating drugs controls the populace. The story's title character, THX, is a factory worker whose life is irrevocably changed when he stops taking his mind-numbing drugs. - from Rotten Tomatoes
The people in this world all had numbers for names too! XD sadly, there wasn't much funny about this world..well, unless you mean the weird stores that only sell colored polygons of one type only and the church in a phone booth that suffices for religion.
The people in this world all had numbers for names too! XD sadly, there wasn't much funny about this world..well, unless you mean the weird stores that only sell colored polygons of one type only and the church in a phone booth that suffices for religion.
ajqtrz
Chef - loquacious Old Dog
It is said that 73% of the statistics used are just made up at the time they are used.
My cousin isn't too bright but he, apparently, knows how to buy cars. The other day he tole me he bought a 2018 Chevy Impala for for only $500. Knowing that he wasn't too bright I offered him $700 for it. He was ecstatic and took the money without question. Now I own a 2018 Chevy Impala with a cracked block, 4 bald tires, broken transmission, missing tailpipe, three broken windows, a leaking air conditioner, dead battery and rusted quarter panels. Like I said, my cousin isn't too brght, but he knows how to sell cars.
AJ
Including this one.
My cousin isn't too bright but he, apparently, knows how to buy cars. The other day he tole me he bought a 2018 Chevy Impala for for only $500. Knowing that he wasn't too bright I offered him $700 for it. He was ecstatic and took the money without question. Now I own a 2018 Chevy Impala with a cracked block, 4 bald tires, broken transmission, missing tailpipe, three broken windows, a leaking air conditioner, dead battery and rusted quarter panels. Like I said, my cousin isn't too brght, but he knows how to sell cars.
AJ
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DeletedUser
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DeletedUser
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ajqtrz
Chef - loquacious Old Dog
I am, like many Americans, a bit overweight. The other day I was speaking to my doctor and she said to me, "you've lost about 20 pounds." I told her it was probably in the garage at home. I've lost a lot of stuff in that mess. She laughed and said, "seriously, you've dropped twenty pounds." She sounded pleased so I asked her to explain where the fat went. She told me that fat was stored energy at which point I tuned her out because I'm know all about energy. I may have very little of it most of the time but I do understand the First Law of Thermodynamics. Her statement therefore: that fat is just stored energy -- both explained my wife getting mad at me and why I shouldn't lose any more weight.
The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy is conserved -- meaning it is never created or destroyed but only transferred. Since my doctor said fat is just stored energy it follows that fat is naturally conserved -- which is probably why it's difficult to lose -- but if you do manage to lose it it goes somewhere. Maybe your garage if you are lucky, or to your wife, if not. In this case, my wife being always near by, received it. Which did not make her happy. When my wife isn't happy she's usually mad.
Conclusion: I better not try to lose weight and if I do I better be in the garage when it happens. Now if I could just find that putter.
AJ
The First Law of Thermodynamics says that energy is conserved -- meaning it is never created or destroyed but only transferred. Since my doctor said fat is just stored energy it follows that fat is naturally conserved -- which is probably why it's difficult to lose -- but if you do manage to lose it it goes somewhere. Maybe your garage if you are lucky, or to your wife, if not. In this case, my wife being always near by, received it. Which did not make her happy. When my wife isn't happy she's usually mad.
Conclusion: I better not try to lose weight and if I do I better be in the garage when it happens. Now if I could just find that putter.
AJ
DeletedUser16929
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how do they smell? lol
DeletedUser23255
Guest
is.... this a real sign? Or did someone photoshop. 'cause someones got quite the sense of humour xD
DeletedUser
Guest
@Emberguard The whole thing is a farce, although there is a Facebook page for "Crystal Methodist Church of Effing, SC". The first thing that caught my attention (and made me laugh) was what I thought was an obvious reference to The Crystal Method, a band that started in the '90's. Not so obvious as it turns out. But it still makes me chuckle. 
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1454234/ (The Crystal Method's soundtrack credits)
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1454234/ (The Crystal Method's soundtrack credits)
From the 1998 Lost In Space film soundtrack
Vergazi
Well-Known Member
hehe @Loki Lyesmith thanks for the chuckles when i needed them. I've seen a few signs like that at roadsides so I just assumed it was real.
I found a link to a wall street journal article that is alarming in some ways, but also funny as all get out in some ways too. It helps if you are somewhat aware of history on this one. It's an article comparing some of the greater excesses of the latest PC culture with the PC culture that developed right after the French Revolution. It seems as though what is old is new, once again. Lol
What were robespierre's pronouns? -from the Wall Street Journal ( I apologize for the paucity of pictures, but this one requires a little reading, it's not too long though)
I found a link to a wall street journal article that is alarming in some ways, but also funny as all get out in some ways too. It helps if you are somewhat aware of history on this one. It's an article comparing some of the greater excesses of the latest PC culture with the PC culture that developed right after the French Revolution. It seems as though what is old is new, once again. Lol
What were robespierre's pronouns? -from the Wall Street Journal ( I apologize for the paucity of pictures, but this one requires a little reading, it's not too long though)
DeletedUser20951
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