How would you respond to this...

[Shellizzie]

I am a relatively new AM and one of our newest members has not been visiting (He has visited me once) or offering trades so I sent a message just feeling him out because as we know not everyone knows how to work within a FS.
Here is what I sent:
"Hello!
Part of being in our fellowship is visiting our members and trading with our members and that has just not been happening. I am wondering if you are aware of how this is done. Please let me know if I can assist in any way. If this is just a choice that you prefer let me know as we are probably not the Fellowship for you.
Shell"

Here is the response I recieved:
"I joined fully AWARE of your requirements, I read the letter that was sent to me as well as the banner listing. I do what i can, I am building my city and look daily at the trades but have very little to offfer others as well as cannot help fullfil theirs. i f you don't like that then, do what you need to. But the "mommy" letter is unnecessary."

I do send out a welcome message to new members, I think that is only appropriate but really not much else.
I am not totally sure how I should respond to this or if what I sent was inappropriate. So I am looking for a bit of advice. Should I just ignore this and move on? Or something else?

 

[SoggyShorts]

That attitude would get an insta-kick from me.
I assume your FS welcome page has rules posted like "minimum 4 visits a week"?
Newer members will always struggle to take and post trades, so visits and growth are the only fair measurement- track those and act accordingly.

Also, I just posted a huge response on a similar subject here
https://us.forum.elvenar.com/index....making-the-game-good-for-all.5613/#post-40377

If you want to have a look

 

[DeletedUser3507]

Me too.
Visits are an essential part of most FS, there are a few that don't, but really....

 

[Shellizzie]

Thanks, I wasn't sure if it was just me getting my feelings hurt. Good to know that my first instinct was probably correct!

 

[DeletedUser2870]

instant kick.
The reasoning that as a new player he doesnt have much to offer in trade is sound enough. That will get better over time and some higherranking members could even boost him by giving him good trades.
But saying you have read the rules and then not complying, not even the visits, well, sorry. A new citybdoesntbtakevthat much time to run so thats a lot of crap.
I hope you ll find a more suitable player soon. Until you do you might keep him around since the rest of the players still get coins for their visits, but asa you have a new applicant, just kick him out.

 

[Shellizzie]

His score is actually almost 20,000! So I was a bit surprised.

 

[Calenmir]

I would 'guess' that if he is making a (rude) comment back to you telling you he does what he can, then he clearly doesn't understand what visiting/neighborly help means. I've found a lot of folks don't get it and think that it is something that they must give up (coins) and because they don't have a lot to give away, don't make visits.

Your note did nothing more than remind someone they have a responsibility to the fellowship so their response was not only rude but out of line and out of proportion to your offer of help. If this is how they respond to kind reminders, no telling how they will be for anything more direct. You might want to seriously consider replacing them. There are lots of fellowships for loners and he sounds like a loner.

 

[DeletedUser4163]

life is too short to deal with A-holes , boot him

 

[DeletedUser5869]

Your initial message seems accusatory & insulting, in my opinion. He may have viewed it the same way. Is English the first & primary language of both you and the other user? Maybe none of the other members have anything he wants, or maybe he accepts trades and then has nothing to offer afterwards. You both could have worded your messages better, but if he's worth being booted for not having a higher maturity than you, then shouldn't you disband your Fellowship for your own behavior? Personally, I don't think that reactionary behavior is necessary.

If you need the space in your FS & have better candidates lined up, then boot & recruit. Otherwise, it's probably a simple issue whose resolution might result in a happy partnership in the long-run. You never know !

Good luck!

 

[DeletedUser1996]

GIVE THE BOOT !!! Find another player to join you that shares your FS. believes !

 

[DeletedUser3686]

Your initial message seems accusatory & insulting, in my opinion. He may have viewed it the same way. Is English the first & primary language of both you and the other user? Maybe none of the other members have anything he wants, or maybe he accepts trades and then has nothing to offer afterwards. You both could have worded your messages better, but if he's worth being booted for not having a higher maturity than you, then shouldn't you disband your Fellowship for your own behavior? Personally, I don't think that reactionary behavior is necessary.

If you need the space in your FS & have better candidates lined up, then boot & recruit. Otherwise, it's probably a simple issue whose resolution might result in a happy partnership in the long-run. You never know !

Good luck!

I kind agree here, the original message could have been worded a bit better. It definitely comes off as accusatory, but I wouldn't say it's insulting. Some players might not really be aware of how helpful aiding cities and trades can be, so offering help is always a best bet at first.

Next time say something like "Our FS requires x visits per week and trades being placed regularly. We haven't noticed much activity from you recently, so we're giving you a heads up about what we do here. Let us know if you need any help navigating the game!"

That said, this member does sound like a jerk and I would have probably booted him for returning that kind of response.

 

[Ashrem]

Messaging strangers is difficult. Despite a good 20 years of practice with the internet, human beings just haven't overcome a few aeons of using tone and facial expression to interpret intent in communication. I didn't see anything egregious in the original, but a re-reading does leave it open to accusations of condescension depending on what tone and intent the reader chooses to apply. If I were going to change anything (for the next time) it would be to replace "we are probably not the Fellowship for you" with something like "it's possible there are fellowships that are a better fit for your time and play style" but even that is going to get a person's back up if they want it to.

If you care what the person thinks about you, a somewhat apologetic but not necessarily backing-down email is probably in order. If you don't care, then I think the path is clear.

 

[Shellizzie]

Interesting, I never would have gotten my message as insulting but I guess everyone sees things differently. Hence why I asked for advice.
That being said I did message the member and they actually apologized for over reacting saying they had been in a few fellowships that were very demanding, including one who kicked him after 3 days of inactivity. So we will give it a go and see how it all plays out.
Thanks everyone for your advice!

 

[DeletedUser1901]

... and that has just not been happening.

I think this line is what may have sparked the responses tone. I may have tried to either delete it (I do that a lot lol) or reword it as trying to offer assistance rather than jabbing at failures. As a AM myself I know how difficult it can be... I read my communications at least 3 times prior to hitting that send button and I still sometimes worry that it can be misinterpreted after reading it again!

Here is the response I recieved:
"I joined fully AWARE of your requirements, I read the letter that was sent to me as well as the banner listing. I do what i can, I am building my city and look daily at the trades but have very little to offfer others as well as cannot help fullfil theirs. i f you don't like that then, do what you need to. But the "mommy" letter is unnecessary."

Let them know that they DO have something to offer the fellowship in terms of visits and to post their trades no matter how inconsequential they think they are. The fellowships are designed to help everyone, not just the older cities. He needs trades to grow his city just like everyone else does. Everyone has something to contribute, they just need to realize it

 

[ekarat]

Are we talking about not visiting every single person every single day, or never visiting anyone?

I know I can find it tedious sometimes, so I visit everyone in rotation, but not all in one sitting, which does result in me not getting everyone every single day, but that's not required by my fellowship.

Personally, I would recommend being up front with an ultimatum that they should meet the requirements (and give specific minimums) or be kicked. If they don't want a mommy letter, then they might respect you being direct. (I kinda respect directness myself.)

 

[Sir Squirrel]

There are only 25 members in a fellowship, not to hard to visit them at least 4-5 times a week, we are not talking about how often you help out your neighbors on the world map, that is totally up to you. The reason for helping your fellowship with visits as much as you can is that you get coins and supplies when you visit another player that has helped you in the 24 hours before, but you will only get coins if they have not helped. This is important for the newer players to keep there supplies up to help them build their cities quicker.

 

[DeletedUser2963]

There are only 25 members in a fellowship, not to hard to visit them at least 4-5 times a week

lol, It is too hard! I have other demands on my time.

Which is why I joined a FS that requires 1 measly visit per week! That I can ALWAYS manage.

 

[Sir Squirrel]

Yes Lyapo, it can be tough to find the time some days (life gets in the way), lol. It only takes me about 20-25 min. to do the fellowship visits. I don't enforce the rule, but most of my fellowship do help with visits regularly. I have had recruits that left their previous fellowship because of lack of visits though , because if you are finding the time, but the other members are not it can be frustrating. But I am glad you found a fellowship that fits your needs!

 

[Shellizzie]

I have had recruits that left their previous fellowship because of lack of visits though , because if you are finding the time, but the other members are not it can be frustrating.

This exactly. We do have a 3-4 times a week rule. It takes my 10 minutes to visit everyone. I do get the complaint from others that they do not get enough visits so I have to be on my toes about it. What gets me is he has visited some of our members more than once.
Oh well. We will see how it all plays out. I have done my best to be polite and friendly and if in the end it does not work so be it.

 

[ekarat]

There are only 25 members in a fellowship, not to hard to visit them at least 4-5 times a week, we are not talking about how often you help out your neighbors on the world map, that is totally up to you. The reason for helping your fellowship with visits as much as you can is that you get coins and supplies when you visit another player that has helped you in the 24 hours before, but you will only get coins if they have not helped. This is important for the newer players to keep there supplies up to help them build their cities quicker.

Rule 1: Nothing in video games is hard, unless it is impossible.

However, in real life, it can be hard to find the time every single day without fail.

In any case, it is boring tedium for the time it takes -- bad enough that I stopped playing for a month or two because of it. Now, I just don't do all my visits at once -- I split them up.