Ebonknight01
Member
Yes, Kindle Vella died out. I had several interviews up there that now have no home, so I'll post them here.
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Your Elvenar Team
Spire Master Interviews with Maximum Effort (Combined Thread)
- Thread starter Ebonknight01
- Start date
TimeMachine
Well-Known Member
So that is good news to me and to the good old original Elvenar Forum too I guess! Nice!Yes, Kindle Vella died out. I had several interviews up there that now have no home, so I'll post them here.
Ebonknight01
Member
Week 23: Childe "Lorna the Definitely Not Evil" to the Spire of Eternity Came... and hugged it to death! My Real-Life interview with this Spire Master was err, uncomfortable, err, scary, no, terrifying? I guess this is on me more than on Dorna. It’s been a LONG time since I've done an interview—we all know this—but I didn’t realize how rusty I was. I just wanted to get back into the “swing of things” with a softball interview. HA! That was my first mistake.
I asked around in guild, and Lorna sent me a message in response saying she would love to be my next interviewee and, I quote: “I am a crazy cat lady, uber organized and hugs anything with 8 legs, no legs or leaves.” Do you see any problems with that statement? Yeah? Well, I missed it, so I agreed to the interview and… MY GOD!
+++++++
I stumble in a few hours before the Tower resets (some things never change, eh?) and my first A-HA! moment comes when I have to dodge several cats. They are cute and all, but apparently none of them think very highly of me. At all. How did I know? The arched backs, hissing, and puffy tails was my first hint, and the growls when I tiptoed by them (giving as much space as I could between my tender skin and their claws and teeth) was my second. I did manage to get through with my pant legs intact—more or less—and all my blood still present in my body—more or less.
Not the issue.
Lorna is hugging the tower, well, at least a VERY small part of it. She looks over at me and smiles in greeting. Lorna seems very nice, and its sweet that she’s hugging the tower. It could definitely use it—I mean, it does get conquered multiple times a week. She pats the wall affectionately and turns towards me, still smiling.
Still not the issue.
No, the issue is the spiders all over the place! Now, I know all of you understand two things about me by now: 1) I am extremely (almost painfully) handsome and 2) I'm a total arachnophobe. (Huh? What do you mean I’ve never mentioned that I’m scared of spiders? Please. I think I would KNOW what I’ve shared about myself or not. I’ve written at length about my justified (and quite understandable) fear of creepy crawlies with fangs. And bulbous eyes. And eight legs.)
And there it is…
Remember? “I am a crazy cat lady, uber organized and hugs anything with 8 legs, no legs or leaves.” I just assumed she meant 4 legs since she was a self-described cat lady. Nope. She meant what she said.
Q1: “How did you ascend so fast?” (I look around in horrified dread as I ask my question, trying to make sure I'm not standing under a web, or near the cats.)
A1: “Oh, that was easy! I just had my kitty-kuties clear the way, and I followed right up.” (A large spider lands on her shoulder—and I swear on my mother’s eyes—it held up its hairy legs for a hug. A HUG!)
Q2: “Wha… wha… what was the most challenging part of your climb?” (Tears start to leak from my eyes as my body can’t quite hide the horrified panic I'm in. My tears mingle with the blood still oozing—ok, gushing—from my cat mangled legs and I feel myself getting woozy.)
A2: “Oh, bringing my spider-sweeties up without any of them getting hurt!” (She laughs delightedly as she carefully pinches two fingers around the large spider on her shoulder and gives it the “hug” it apparently needs. I want to wretch and then throw up then gag then barf then... well, you get the idea.)
Q3: “What would you change about the tower, if-if-if…” (I swallow convulsively as the spider on her shoulder ascends back up to the ceiling by climbing up its web rapidly.) “…if you could?” (My eyes track it in horrified wonder as it rejoins its thousands of fellow spiders—I can’t seem to look away.)
A3: “Oh, there should be some potted plants on the way up! My friendly-friends enjoy hanging out in leafy-loves whenever they can. The cats like it so they can do their business in the dirt, of course, and the spiders so they can hide in the foliage and catch insects. Then they suck out the insides of those poor unfortunate dears – often as the insect is still alive.” (Lorna beams at me as she explains, and I can feel what little blood I have left draining out of my face. I must look like a ghost by now. A crying, terrified, bloody—but still DAMN handsome!—ghost.)
Q4: “For the absolute love of God! What in the actual… is wrong with you?” (I manage to finally pry my eyes away from the spider and stare at Lorna in horrified horror.)
A4: “Oh, I didn’t think you could turn something like that into a question! What a professional!” (She claps delightedly, and her eyes glint with merriment.) “You’re shaking like a leaf, Ebon. A leaf. You might want to reconsider that. Pronto.”
_______________________________________________________
Author's Note: No cats or spiders was harmed in the making of this interview. I, on the other hand, am still in therapy. OH! Some of you miscreants have also insinuated that I have never before mentioned that I am afraid of spiders. That's SO not true! I wrote about it at length in that one interview. No, not that one. No, not that one either, dolt! The other one!
For the long-suffering readers of this obscure corner of the web (get it?) this is my comeback interview! I hope you enjoyed it! As you can easily tell by looking through this very long thread, I am a new novelist with a completed trilogy out on Amazon. Just look up "The Ebon Knight Chronicles" and my books will pop right up! This forum, and Elvenar itself, gave me my start. For the five and a half people who still read these pages, I hope you get a few chuckles out of my continuing escapades in the Spire! Thanks for reading!
- Ebon AKA James Wood
I asked around in guild, and Lorna sent me a message in response saying she would love to be my next interviewee and, I quote: “I am a crazy cat lady, uber organized and hugs anything with 8 legs, no legs or leaves.” Do you see any problems with that statement? Yeah? Well, I missed it, so I agreed to the interview and… MY GOD!
+++++++
I stumble in a few hours before the Tower resets (some things never change, eh?) and my first A-HA! moment comes when I have to dodge several cats. They are cute and all, but apparently none of them think very highly of me. At all. How did I know? The arched backs, hissing, and puffy tails was my first hint, and the growls when I tiptoed by them (giving as much space as I could between my tender skin and their claws and teeth) was my second. I did manage to get through with my pant legs intact—more or less—and all my blood still present in my body—more or less.
Not the issue.
Lorna is hugging the tower, well, at least a VERY small part of it. She looks over at me and smiles in greeting. Lorna seems very nice, and its sweet that she’s hugging the tower. It could definitely use it—I mean, it does get conquered multiple times a week. She pats the wall affectionately and turns towards me, still smiling.
Still not the issue.
No, the issue is the spiders all over the place! Now, I know all of you understand two things about me by now: 1) I am extremely (almost painfully) handsome and 2) I'm a total arachnophobe. (Huh? What do you mean I’ve never mentioned that I’m scared of spiders? Please. I think I would KNOW what I’ve shared about myself or not. I’ve written at length about my justified (and quite understandable) fear of creepy crawlies with fangs. And bulbous eyes. And eight legs.)
And there it is…
Remember? “I am a crazy cat lady, uber organized and hugs anything with 8 legs, no legs or leaves.” I just assumed she meant 4 legs since she was a self-described cat lady. Nope. She meant what she said.
Q1: “How did you ascend so fast?” (I look around in horrified dread as I ask my question, trying to make sure I'm not standing under a web, or near the cats.)
A1: “Oh, that was easy! I just had my kitty-kuties clear the way, and I followed right up.” (A large spider lands on her shoulder—and I swear on my mother’s eyes—it held up its hairy legs for a hug. A HUG!)
Q2: “Wha… wha… what was the most challenging part of your climb?” (Tears start to leak from my eyes as my body can’t quite hide the horrified panic I'm in. My tears mingle with the blood still oozing—ok, gushing—from my cat mangled legs and I feel myself getting woozy.)
A2: “Oh, bringing my spider-sweeties up without any of them getting hurt!” (She laughs delightedly as she carefully pinches two fingers around the large spider on her shoulder and gives it the “hug” it apparently needs. I want to wretch and then throw up then gag then barf then... well, you get the idea.)
Q3: “What would you change about the tower, if-if-if…” (I swallow convulsively as the spider on her shoulder ascends back up to the ceiling by climbing up its web rapidly.) “…if you could?” (My eyes track it in horrified wonder as it rejoins its thousands of fellow spiders—I can’t seem to look away.)
A3: “Oh, there should be some potted plants on the way up! My friendly-friends enjoy hanging out in leafy-loves whenever they can. The cats like it so they can do their business in the dirt, of course, and the spiders so they can hide in the foliage and catch insects. Then they suck out the insides of those poor unfortunate dears – often as the insect is still alive.” (Lorna beams at me as she explains, and I can feel what little blood I have left draining out of my face. I must look like a ghost by now. A crying, terrified, bloody—but still DAMN handsome!—ghost.)
Q4: “For the absolute love of God! What in the actual… is wrong with you?” (I manage to finally pry my eyes away from the spider and stare at Lorna in horrified horror.)
A4: “Oh, I didn’t think you could turn something like that into a question! What a professional!” (She claps delightedly, and her eyes glint with merriment.) “You’re shaking like a leaf, Ebon. A leaf. You might want to reconsider that. Pronto.”
_______________________________________________________
Author's Note: No cats or spiders was harmed in the making of this interview. I, on the other hand, am still in therapy. OH! Some of you miscreants have also insinuated that I have never before mentioned that I am afraid of spiders. That's SO not true! I wrote about it at length in that one interview. No, not that one. No, not that one either, dolt! The other one!
For the long-suffering readers of this obscure corner of the web (get it?) this is my comeback interview! I hope you enjoyed it! As you can easily tell by looking through this very long thread, I am a new novelist with a completed trilogy out on Amazon. Just look up "The Ebon Knight Chronicles" and my books will pop right up! This forum, and Elvenar itself, gave me my start. For the five and a half people who still read these pages, I hope you get a few chuckles out of my continuing escapades in the Spire! Thanks for reading!
- Ebon AKA James Wood
Last edited:
TimeMachine
Well-Known Member
Yay, got it!
I did enjoy it!5 1/2? I would say roundabout 500!
Thanks for writing!
Ebonknight01
Member
Sure thing! I'll be posting another one in the next few days, too!
Technomancer
Well-Known Member
Make that five and three-quarters now. This was quite enjoyable. Luckily, spiders don't bother me. However, I am allergic to cats, and now my eyes are itching.
Ebonknight01
Member
At least you don't have the permanent scars like I do, right?
I'm thinking today is a good time to drop the next misadventure... a sad tale it is, full of drama, heartbreak, gun battles, knife fights, nuclear war and so much more! You can totally trust me on all of that, too!
I'm thinking today is a good time to drop the next misadventure... a sad tale it is, full of drama, heartbreak, gun battles, knife fights, nuclear war and so much more! You can totally trust me on all of that, too!
Ebonknight01
Member
Week 24: Childe Grianne to the Spire of Eternity Came... and protested it into an early grave! My Real-Life interview with this Tower Master was pretty exciting—but not in a good way. This is my second interview in as many weeks, and I’m not saying I NEED a vacation already, but I could definitely use a snoozy-poo—but my dedication to fair, balanced, objective, and totally-not-made-up journalism REQUIRES me to show up, no matter what!
And I do.
And… so does everyone else?
There is a HUGE crowd in front of the Spire, and they seem VERY upset.
So, there has been some major changes in the game recently, particularly when it comes to the Spire of Eternity rewards table. * The developers call it an “upgrade” but we (the players) just call it “stupid”. Anyways, there’s been a lot of angst and anger over the changes—rightfully so!—because we all pay GOOD money to play this game and… (what do you mean it's free to play?!) and so… (why have I been charged $19.99 a month for five years, then?!).
Sorry! My “assistant” (the annoying voice in my head) cleared up some things for me—don’t worry, I’ll fire his lazy butt for interrupting my flow right after this interview is completed, and… (no, no, I was joking. I really was! No, I won't fire you, relax! Geez, thin skin for the win, eh?)
Let’s restart.
So, yes, they made some changes. Instead of useful things like emeralds, building upgrades, troop resurrection spells, angry goats, and magic scrolls, the developers decided to start offering real rewards with a monetary value. At first, the community was ALL IN on this change, and many folks (not me, of course) imagined themselves become financially independent—and perhaps even wealthy—by playing. I mean, why would they think that right? (No, I was definitely NOT serious about buying a Ferrari! No, I wasn’t! I beg your pardon but how DARE you!?)
Sorry!
Anyways, the problem is that the real-life monetary value items turned out to be just ONE real-life monetary value item: a coupon for 20% off any purchase of $50 or more at Joe’s Diner on 3rd & B street in Wichita, Kansas. Valid for one week after “winning” it and not to be combined with any other offer. Sounds like a sweet deal on its surface, and it's not like the WORLDWIDE community of players isn’t grateful, but the coupon also stipulated that it may not be redeemed for any meal containing meat. No chicken tenders?! Heck no! I have to draw the line there! A bunch of players drew a line over that gross indignity, actually, including Grianne.
Back to the HUGE crowd. They are a sea of angry and disgruntled faces, some ghostly, and I see a bunch of signs in the crowd like “Hell no, we won’t go! To Joe’s!” and “RUNVS?” (whatever that means), plus “People for the Ethical Treatment of Ghosts!” and such. The last sign gives me the shivers, and I notice that a few of the miscreants holding those signs have apparently recognized me! Several of those hoodlums start eyeing me, nudging others of their ilk as I step up to the edge of the crowd and wave to Grianne to get her attention. She is running the whole protest, and she has bullhorn in one hand and a clenched fist in the other. Or, well, her fist is clenched, she’s not actually carrying a clenched fist. You know what I mean, right?
Whatever, moving on.
Grianne is in the middle of her speech when she notices me jumping up and down in the back waving my hands. She stops and frowns, turning to some mean looking hombres to her right and says something to them punctuated with angry looking gestures. She has pulled the bullhorn away from her face but hasn’t killed the power, so I hear her say something about an “idiot”. I start to worry for Grianne, because the guys she’s talking to look tough, and I don’t think she should be calling any of them idiots!
Strangely enough, they all turn to look at me, and I feel like a target that has just had several sets of ship guns trained on it. The massive and angry crowd see everyone on the podium all looking at something behind them and they ALL turn to look at me, too! Dead silence falls, and I feel sweat break out on my forehead.
“What do you want?” Grianne says into the bullhorn, so that everyone can easily hear her. She sounds unfriendly.
“I want to interview you.” I say.
“What?” she answers. Silence still reigns, but there's quite a bit of distance between us, even so. Maybe she can't hear me?
“I want to interview you!” I yell.
“What?” she says again, in the exact same tone of voice.
“I WANT TO INTERVIEW YOU!” I scream.
“About what?” she responds via the bullhorn, her frown deepening.
“The Spire of Eternity!” I yell, noticing that as I do several members of P.E.T.G. are making their way towards me. More sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I wipe it away nervously.
“What?” she repeats again, before pulling the bullhorn away from her mouth and turning to the six slabs of muscle up on the platform with her. I hear something about a “useful idiot”. I start to panic a little bit because Grianne is really going to get herself into trouble with those dudes! She needs to be careful!
“THE SPIRE OF ETERNITY!” I scream, “LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!”
“We are, and I need to tell you: I am soooo disappointed in these new Spire rewards!” she gestures backwards to the Spire, “It's not working for me, nope.”
“Well…” I begin to yell, noticing that I am now surrounded by the P.E.T.G. folks and several ghosts from the tower that have joined them. I pause, because this is SO not good.
“What?” she says into her bullhorn.
“WELL,” I scream, “CAN WE DO THE INTERVIEW NOW? IS THIS A GOOD TIME? I COULD… erm… COME BACK LATER WHEN THERE AREN’T SO MANY ANGRY PEOPLE STARING AT ME.”
“What?” she says into her bullhorn again, smirking.
________________________________
* Editor's Note: This interview was originally conducted way back when the Spire rewards were changed and players were up in arms over it!
Author's Note: Don't worry, faithful readers, I wasn't harmed. Grianne was very nice and made sure I was taken care of as I was marched to the front of the crowd. She called me her "bargaining chip" although I'm still not sure what she meant by that. Anyways, turns out the game designers listened and got together with Joe (the guy who owns Joe's - no relation) and tweaked the coupon. It's now 20% off on any meal over $75 - even with meat! Many of us are completely thrilled, but some players are still holding out for more.
As always, thanks for reading!
-Ebon
And I do.
And… so does everyone else?
There is a HUGE crowd in front of the Spire, and they seem VERY upset.
So, there has been some major changes in the game recently, particularly when it comes to the Spire of Eternity rewards table. * The developers call it an “upgrade” but we (the players) just call it “stupid”. Anyways, there’s been a lot of angst and anger over the changes—rightfully so!—because we all pay GOOD money to play this game and… (what do you mean it's free to play?!) and so… (why have I been charged $19.99 a month for five years, then?!).
Sorry! My “assistant” (the annoying voice in my head) cleared up some things for me—don’t worry, I’ll fire his lazy butt for interrupting my flow right after this interview is completed, and… (no, no, I was joking. I really was! No, I won't fire you, relax! Geez, thin skin for the win, eh?)
Let’s restart.
So, yes, they made some changes. Instead of useful things like emeralds, building upgrades, troop resurrection spells, angry goats, and magic scrolls, the developers decided to start offering real rewards with a monetary value. At first, the community was ALL IN on this change, and many folks (not me, of course) imagined themselves become financially independent—and perhaps even wealthy—by playing. I mean, why would they think that right? (No, I was definitely NOT serious about buying a Ferrari! No, I wasn’t! I beg your pardon but how DARE you!?)
Sorry!
Anyways, the problem is that the real-life monetary value items turned out to be just ONE real-life monetary value item: a coupon for 20% off any purchase of $50 or more at Joe’s Diner on 3rd & B street in Wichita, Kansas. Valid for one week after “winning” it and not to be combined with any other offer. Sounds like a sweet deal on its surface, and it's not like the WORLDWIDE community of players isn’t grateful, but the coupon also stipulated that it may not be redeemed for any meal containing meat. No chicken tenders?! Heck no! I have to draw the line there! A bunch of players drew a line over that gross indignity, actually, including Grianne.
Back to the HUGE crowd. They are a sea of angry and disgruntled faces, some ghostly, and I see a bunch of signs in the crowd like “Hell no, we won’t go! To Joe’s!” and “RUNVS?” (whatever that means), plus “People for the Ethical Treatment of Ghosts!” and such. The last sign gives me the shivers, and I notice that a few of the miscreants holding those signs have apparently recognized me! Several of those hoodlums start eyeing me, nudging others of their ilk as I step up to the edge of the crowd and wave to Grianne to get her attention. She is running the whole protest, and she has bullhorn in one hand and a clenched fist in the other. Or, well, her fist is clenched, she’s not actually carrying a clenched fist. You know what I mean, right?
Whatever, moving on.
Grianne is in the middle of her speech when she notices me jumping up and down in the back waving my hands. She stops and frowns, turning to some mean looking hombres to her right and says something to them punctuated with angry looking gestures. She has pulled the bullhorn away from her face but hasn’t killed the power, so I hear her say something about an “idiot”. I start to worry for Grianne, because the guys she’s talking to look tough, and I don’t think she should be calling any of them idiots!
Strangely enough, they all turn to look at me, and I feel like a target that has just had several sets of ship guns trained on it. The massive and angry crowd see everyone on the podium all looking at something behind them and they ALL turn to look at me, too! Dead silence falls, and I feel sweat break out on my forehead.
“What do you want?” Grianne says into the bullhorn, so that everyone can easily hear her. She sounds unfriendly.
“I want to interview you.” I say.
“What?” she answers. Silence still reigns, but there's quite a bit of distance between us, even so. Maybe she can't hear me?
“I want to interview you!” I yell.
“What?” she says again, in the exact same tone of voice.
“I WANT TO INTERVIEW YOU!” I scream.
“About what?” she responds via the bullhorn, her frown deepening.
“The Spire of Eternity!” I yell, noticing that as I do several members of P.E.T.G. are making their way towards me. More sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I wipe it away nervously.
“What?” she repeats again, before pulling the bullhorn away from her mouth and turning to the six slabs of muscle up on the platform with her. I hear something about a “useful idiot”. I start to panic a little bit because Grianne is really going to get herself into trouble with those dudes! She needs to be careful!
“THE SPIRE OF ETERNITY!” I scream, “LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!”
“We are, and I need to tell you: I am soooo disappointed in these new Spire rewards!” she gestures backwards to the Spire, “It's not working for me, nope.”
“Well…” I begin to yell, noticing that I am now surrounded by the P.E.T.G. folks and several ghosts from the tower that have joined them. I pause, because this is SO not good.
“What?” she says into her bullhorn.
“WELL,” I scream, “CAN WE DO THE INTERVIEW NOW? IS THIS A GOOD TIME? I COULD… erm… COME BACK LATER WHEN THERE AREN’T SO MANY ANGRY PEOPLE STARING AT ME.”
“What?” she says into her bullhorn again, smirking.
________________________________
* Editor's Note: This interview was originally conducted way back when the Spire rewards were changed and players were up in arms over it!
Author's Note: Don't worry, faithful readers, I wasn't harmed. Grianne was very nice and made sure I was taken care of as I was marched to the front of the crowd. She called me her "bargaining chip" although I'm still not sure what she meant by that. Anyways, turns out the game designers listened and got together with Joe (the guy who owns Joe's - no relation) and tweaked the coupon. It's now 20% off on any meal over $75 - even with meat! Many of us are completely thrilled, but some players are still holding out for more.
As always, thanks for reading!
-Ebon
Last edited:
Ebonknight01
Member
Important: I re-edited EVERY interview to include an "Author's Notes" at the bottom! More zaniness and shenanigans are achieved by said addition; you might want to peruse them to take a walk down memory lane while enjoying the new content!
-Ebon
-Ebon
ajqtrz
Chef - Loquacious One
My secret to NOT fearing spiders. I don't count the legs. And pretend there are just 4. So it's a "horse," or a "dog" or a "cat" or some other furry 4 footed thing I love. Unfortunately, though, sometimes it doesn't like my petting it. Sigh. Once got bit by a brown recluse "dog" about 15 years ago and you should see what THAT did to my leg....big, deep, hole that took years to finally heal over. Not fun. So I don't count the legs and thus they aren't spiders anymore.
AJ
Ebonknight01
Member
AJ, I think your logic is a +bit+ suspect!
Also, though, brown recluses?! YIKES! /shiver /faint
In real life, I can NOT handle spiders. Or sharks. Both give me the heebie jeebies. I couldn't even watch that movie "47 meters down" and that older movie "arachnophobia" almost buried me!
Also, though, brown recluses?! YIKES! /shiver /faint
In real life, I can NOT handle spiders. Or sharks. Both give me the heebie jeebies. I couldn't even watch that movie "47 meters down" and that older movie "arachnophobia" almost buried me!IslandGirl
New Member
Must have those chicken nuggets! Although the new spire rewards are still not working for me... nope.
Ebonknight01
Member
Week 25: Childe Arafel to the Spire of Eternity Came and scienced it into early retirement! My real-life interview with this Spire Master was extremely "cerebral". I looked up cerebral in the dictionary, and it was explained with a lot of other terms I didn’t really understand, but basically Arafel is just really smart! Like, REALLY smart. Smartie McSmartPants type of smart. So, unfortunately for me, this interview was entirely conducted via medical jargon, scientific formula equations, and alien language linguistics—in other words, I had no clue what Arafel was talking about 90%+ of the time.
Anyways, never fear, though! I fed her scientific jargon into an A.I. program, and after it consulted with several thousands of its fellows… or itself’s?.. or… Well, anyways, the A.I translator was eventually able to decipher what Arafel was saying. It also asked for her autograph. True story.
Anywho, moving on.
I crawl up to the top of the spire, really, REALLY, late… like minutes before reset, and find Arafel scrawling all sorts of diagrams and numbers on the wall. She has been at it for quite a while apparently, as the entire room except one little corner is completely covered in her small, precise writing. Arafel must have spent DAYS doing this, and I wonder why since the reset is going to wipe it all out in about fifteen minutes.
Arafel looks up with mild interest as I enter, and smiles as I finally crawl up the last steps and heave myself onto the floor, breathing heavily. Her writing hand doesn’t stop in the least, and the circle she is currently drawing is COMPLETELY and PERFECTLY round. Still not looking, she starts to add various formulas to the sides of it, shading in a part as she goes.
I boggle at her for a moment, fascinated by her mastery at drawing circles! Wow! Her formulas are cool, too, I guess. (Although I have no clue what she is solving for.)
Anyhow, I have a job to do, so I shake off my admiration and immediately launch into the questions because there isn’t much time before the spire reboots.
Q1: “How did you get up to the top so fast? You must have been up here for days!” (I glance around at the cavernous upper room, now completely filled in with writing.)
A1: “Your supposition is flawed. I preceded you by exactly 31 minutes, 23 seconds. (Arafel doesn’t bother to consult a watch as she talks.)
Q2: “Umm, ok.” I pause, looking around the room again. “Doesn’t this seem like a waste? Oh! Also, what was the hardest part?”
A2: Arafel laughs, like what I just said is honestly funny to her. “There’s nothing hard about my work, but since you asked, I was just solving one of the great scientific mysteries of all time.” (I open my mouth to say that I was actually asking about the hardest part of ascending the spire, but she cuts me off.) “This week I solved for the meaning of quantum entanglement. Next week I’ll figure out how to quantify dark energy. Last week I solved cosmic acceleration and what it means for us as a species.” (She shrugs.)
Q3: “Umm, ok.” I say again, at a loss for anything wittier to respond with. “Err, what would you change… about the spire.” (I am feeling distinctly out of my depth when it comes to Arafel, so I'm desperate to pull the conversation back to what I know—which is the spire. Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art.)
A3: “What would I change? Well, I believe the Spire is leaning…” she cocks her head to the left slightly for a moment, considering. “…about 1/32 of an inch to the right. So, it’s not perfectly straight. I don’t care for shoddy work and miscalculations—I find it annoying.” (She looks at me in mild disapproval, like the lean is somehow my fault. I want to remind her that we are over one hundred stories up, so maybe an 1/32 of an inch isn’t so bad, but I WISELY keep my mouth shut - I know - it’s a first for me!)
Q4: “Did you really just solve one of the greatest scientific mysteries of all time in thirty minutes?” I ask, completely overwhelmed. (To be fair, I had no idea that such mysteries existed, but it certainly seems impressive that she can solve one every. single. week.)
A4: Arafel frowns at me. “You make it sound more extraordinary than it is. You’re grossly under exaggerating how long it took me, and I don’t appreciate such impreciseness! It actually took me a whole 31 minutes and 52 seconds—I was still writing when you walked in, remember? It's not that big of a deal." She huffs and stands back from her work... I hear her mutter "He's so embarrassing.”
Anything is open to criticism in the Spire, even cheap literary tricks! Remember that kiddies.
Author's Note: After proofreading my interview BEFORE I published it (somehow), Arafel sent me a 295-page thesis disapproving my little "Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art" statement. In it, she clearly demonstrates that conquering the spire is a science, since all encounters, battles, and rewards are mathematically set and determined by the programmers. She then goes through and gives me the percentages of "X" encounter times "Y" battle (or bribe) = "Z" reward. She included several thousand variations as proof. I didn't understand any of it and fed it again to the A.I. program... and even it was aghast and awed.
P.S.: Arafel, when next I see you, could you sign something for me? A.I. would really appreciate it...
P.S.S.: Arafel also mentioned that I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag, and I should just give up for the sake of humanity. A.I. agreed.
Anyways, never fear, though! I fed her scientific jargon into an A.I. program, and after it consulted with several thousands of its fellows… or itself’s?.. or… Well, anyways, the A.I translator was eventually able to decipher what Arafel was saying. It also asked for her autograph. True story.
Anywho, moving on.
I crawl up to the top of the spire, really, REALLY, late… like minutes before reset, and find Arafel scrawling all sorts of diagrams and numbers on the wall. She has been at it for quite a while apparently, as the entire room except one little corner is completely covered in her small, precise writing. Arafel must have spent DAYS doing this, and I wonder why since the reset is going to wipe it all out in about fifteen minutes.
Arafel looks up with mild interest as I enter, and smiles as I finally crawl up the last steps and heave myself onto the floor, breathing heavily. Her writing hand doesn’t stop in the least, and the circle she is currently drawing is COMPLETELY and PERFECTLY round. Still not looking, she starts to add various formulas to the sides of it, shading in a part as she goes.
I boggle at her for a moment, fascinated by her mastery at drawing circles! Wow! Her formulas are cool, too, I guess. (Although I have no clue what she is solving for.)
Anyhow, I have a job to do, so I shake off my admiration and immediately launch into the questions because there isn’t much time before the spire reboots.
Q1: “How did you get up to the top so fast? You must have been up here for days!” (I glance around at the cavernous upper room, now completely filled in with writing.)
A1: “Your supposition is flawed. I preceded you by exactly 31 minutes, 23 seconds. (Arafel doesn’t bother to consult a watch as she talks.)
Q2: “Umm, ok.” I pause, looking around the room again. “Doesn’t this seem like a waste? Oh! Also, what was the hardest part?”
A2: Arafel laughs, like what I just said is honestly funny to her. “There’s nothing hard about my work, but since you asked, I was just solving one of the great scientific mysteries of all time.” (I open my mouth to say that I was actually asking about the hardest part of ascending the spire, but she cuts me off.) “This week I solved for the meaning of quantum entanglement. Next week I’ll figure out how to quantify dark energy. Last week I solved cosmic acceleration and what it means for us as a species.” (She shrugs.)
Q3: “Umm, ok.” I say again, at a loss for anything wittier to respond with. “Err, what would you change… about the spire.” (I am feeling distinctly out of my depth when it comes to Arafel, so I'm desperate to pull the conversation back to what I know—which is the spire. Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art.)
A3: “What would I change? Well, I believe the Spire is leaning…” she cocks her head to the left slightly for a moment, considering. “…about 1/32 of an inch to the right. So, it’s not perfectly straight. I don’t care for shoddy work and miscalculations—I find it annoying.” (She looks at me in mild disapproval, like the lean is somehow my fault. I want to remind her that we are over one hundred stories up, so maybe an 1/32 of an inch isn’t so bad, but I WISELY keep my mouth shut - I know - it’s a first for me!)
Q4: “Did you really just solve one of the greatest scientific mysteries of all time in thirty minutes?” I ask, completely overwhelmed. (To be fair, I had no idea that such mysteries existed, but it certainly seems impressive that she can solve one every. single. week.)
A4: Arafel frowns at me. “You make it sound more extraordinary than it is. You’re grossly under exaggerating how long it took me, and I don’t appreciate such impreciseness! It actually took me a whole 31 minutes and 52 seconds—I was still writing when you walked in, remember? It's not that big of a deal." She huffs and stands back from her work... I hear her mutter "He's so embarrassing.”
Anything is open to criticism in the Spire, even cheap literary tricks! Remember that kiddies.
Author's Note: After proofreading my interview BEFORE I published it (somehow), Arafel sent me a 295-page thesis disapproving my little "Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art" statement. In it, she clearly demonstrates that conquering the spire is a science, since all encounters, battles, and rewards are mathematically set and determined by the programmers. She then goes through and gives me the percentages of "X" encounter times "Y" battle (or bribe) = "Z" reward. She included several thousand variations as proof. I didn't understand any of it and fed it again to the A.I. program... and even it was aghast and awed.
P.S.: Arafel, when next I see you, could you sign something for me? A.I. would really appreciate it...
P.S.S.: Arafel also mentioned that I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag, and I should just give up for the sake of humanity. A.I. agreed.
Last edited:
Lorna the Good
New Member
Oh Ebon - I totally enjoyed our interview and you are welcome back anytime, the Spiders are quite fond of you, they remarked on your handsomeness. They really wanted to get better acquainted but were afraid you were having a seizure or had something catching so they kept their distance. ;-)
Lorna the Good
New Member
Well done Ebon, you are really honing your interview skillsWeek 25: Childe Arafel to the Spire of Eternity Came and scienced it into early retirement! My real-life interview with this Spire Master was extremely "cerebral". I looked up cerebral in the dictionary, and it was explained with a lot of other terms I didn’t really understand, but basically Arafel is just really smart! Like, REALLY smart. Smartie McSmartPants type of smart. So, unfortunately for me, this interview was entirely conducted via medical jargon, scientific formula equations, and alien language linguistics—in other words, I had no clue what Arafel was talking about 90%+ of the time.
Anyways, never fear, though! I fed her scientific jargon into an A.I. program, and after it consulted with several thousands of its fellows… or itself’s?.. or… Well, anyways, the A.I translator was eventually able to decipher what Arafel was saying. It also asked for her autograph. True story.
Anywho, moving on.
I crawl up to the top of the spire, really, REALLY, late… like minutes before reset, and find Arafel scrawling all sorts of diagrams and numbers on the wall. She has been at it for quite a while apparently, as the entire room except one little corner is completely covered in her small, precise writing. Arafel must have spent DAYS doing this, and I wonder why since the reset is going to wipe it all out in about fifteen minutes.
Arafel looks up with mild interest as I enter, and smiles as I finally crawl up the last steps and heave myself onto the floor, breathing heavily. Her writing hand doesn’t stop in the least, and the circle she is currently drawing is COMPLETELY and PERFECTLY round. Still not looking, she starts to add various formulas to the sides of it, shading in a part as she goes.
I boggle at her for a moment, fascinated by her mastery at drawing circles! Wow! Her formulas are cool, too, I guess. (Although I have no clue what she is solving for.)
Anyhow, I have a job to do, so I shake off my admiration and immediately launch into the questions because there isn’t much time before the spire reboots.
Q1: “How did you get up to the top so fast? You must have been up here for days!” (I glance around at the cavernous upper room, now completely filled in with writing.)
A1: “Your supposition is flawed. I preceded you by exactly 31 minutes, 23 seconds. (Arafel doesn’t bother to consult a watch as she talks.)
Q2: “Umm, ok.” I pause, looking around the room again. “Doesn’t this seem like a waste? Oh! Also, what was the hardest part?”
A2: Arafel laughs, like what I just said is honestly funny to her. “There’s nothing hard about my work, but since you asked, I was just solving one of the great scientific mysteries of all time.” (I open my mouth to say that I was actually asking about the hardest part of ascending the spire, but she cuts me off.) “This week I solved for the meaning of quantum entanglement. Next week I’ll figure out how to quantify dark energy. Last week I solved cosmic acceleration and what it means for us as a species.” (She shrugs.)
Q3: “Umm, ok.” I say again, at a loss for anything wittier to respond with. “Err, what would you change… about the spire.” (I am feeling distinctly out of my depth when it comes to Arafel, so I'm desperate to pull the conversation back to what I know—which is the spire. Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art.)
A3: “What would I change? Well, I believe the Spire is leaning…” she cocks her head to the left slightly for a moment, considering. “…about 1/32 of an inch to the right. So, it’s not perfectly straight. I don’t care for shoddy work and miscalculations—I find it annoying.” (She looks at me in mild disapproval, like the lean is somehow my fault. I want to remind her that we are over one hundred stories up, so maybe an 1/32 of an inch isn’t so bad, but I WISELY keep my mouth shut - I know - it’s a first for me!)
Q4: “Did you really just solve one of the greatest scientific mysteries of all time in thirty minutes?” I ask, completely overwhelmed. (To be fair, I had no idea that such mysteries existed, but it certainly seems impressive that she can solve one every. single. week.)
A4: Arafel frowns at me. “You make it sound more extraordinary than it is. You’re grossly under exaggerating how long it took me, and I don’t appreciate such impreciseness! It actually took me a whole 31 minutes and 52 seconds—I was still writing when you walked in, remember? It's not that big of a deal." She huffs and stands back from her work... I hear her mutter "He's so embarrassing.”
Anything is open to criticism in the Spire, even cheap literary tricks! Remember that kiddies.
Author's Note: After proofreading my interview BEFORE I published it (somehow), Arafel sent me a 295-page thesis disapproving my little "Conquering the spire is not a science, but an art" statement. In it, she clearly demonstrates that conquering the spire is a science, since all encounters, battles, and rewards are mathematically set and determined by the programmers. She then goes through and gives me the percentages of "X" encounter times "Y" battle (or bribe) = "Z" reward. She included several thousand variations as proof. I didn't understand any of it and fed it again to the A.I. program... and even it was aghast and awed.
P.S.: Arafel, when next I see you, could you sign something for me? A.I. would really appreciate it...
P.S.S.: Arafel also mentioned that I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag, and I should just give up for the sake of humanity. A.I. agreed.
TimeMachine
Well-Known Member
ajqtrz
Chef - Loquacious One
You can't handle sharks?! You ever meet a shark? I mean they really aren't that common. I live in Milwaukee and I haven't seen a shark in Lake Michigan...ever! The only sharks I see are in some of the "loan offices," a few of my friends visit because the real loan officers won't give them the time of the day. Now those are scary sharks!AJ, I think your logic is a +bit+ suspect!
Also, though, brown recluses?! YIKES! /shiver /faint
And as for the "heebie jeebies" I'll bet you could sell a whole pile of them on ebay. They sell everything on ebay because there are people who will buy anything! Just a thought.
AJ
Ebonknight01
Member
That's giving me a great business idea! I could sell my extra heebie jeebies at a huge mark up! People could come to me from all around when their heebie jeebie stocks are running low! Around Halloween I could also sell a premium line of extra strong heebie jeebies called... "jeepers creepers"! I'll be RICH!
TimeMachine
Well-Known Member
Cheers!