ajqtrz
Chef - loquacious Old Dog
As a long time forum user, here and in more places than I can remember, I've developed a few "hard lessons learned" in my on going effort to avoid threads becoming uncivil. Here's are a few.
1) Put a the best face on it. No matter what a person says it's up to you to interpret it. That means in almost all cases it can be interpreted in several ways. "If a person says "You're ignorant," instead of taking it as a truth (really, why would you take one person's opinion as a truth, anyway), why not ask them for their evidence of why they think that. Assume that their summation of your level of knowledge is based upon evidence and reasoning and ask them to lay it out for you. Sometimes, they actually do have some pretty good reasons for believing that, in this case, you are functioning out of ignorance. So take whatever is said and assume it's an honest view, honestly gained rather than somebody just emoting. Because sometimes it is.
2) Don't discount their response by claiming or implying the only reason they have that response is because they are going to gain something (greed) or merely responding emotionally. Telling the person their view is merely an emotional response, discounts that view and does a disservice to the discussion. In other words, assume it's an honest intellectual view and that it should be responded to with an equally honest and intellectual response. Once you turn to categorizing their response as influenced by some immoral or irrational motive you have changed the discussion to their character, not the subject at hand. This is called an ad hominem response and is considered, itself, illogical.
3) Use sarcasm sparingly or not at all. Unfortunately in a text only conversation sarcasm is easily lost and people often think what you are saying is exactly what you meant. "We believe him, of course," can be taken either way. When I come across this type of statement I try to determine, as we all should, the context and derive what is intended from that. But in text based things, the context is only in the letters and words given (and the emoji's I guess, for those who use them). That leaves a lot of room for error.
4) You are not required to respond. If you are insulted say nothing. One of the "rewards" of attacking another person in a forum is getting a rise out of them. If nobody responds the attacks do stop, though it may take a bit. Bully's and trolls thrive on getting noticed, so simply don't notice them.
5) Beware of your examples. I once used, by way of an example, a controversial subject to describe what I thought was a good example of a rhetorical mistake. My criticism of the rhetoric of the example (I actually agreed with the speaker) was taken to be a criticism of his point and after that it took a lot of effort to bring the discussion back to the original point. Way too much time because the bad example derailed the discussion. So choose wisely.
6) Praise in public as broadly and as often as you can, correct in private as narrowly and as seldom as you can. If you are praising you can easily be wrong about the praise because nobody gets too mad if you are praising something good. Just be sure you are praising something good. And if you are criticizing, you no doubt have an example or two of the behavior you are criticizing, so use them privately if at all possible, and be as narrow and specific as you can.
7) Show some humility, dude. Over time you develop relationships. Some of the people you will be at loggerheads repeatedly. Be willing to admit publicly that you were wrong, ignorant, or whatever, and be specific. Appolgies given seldom hurt you, apolgies witheld become dead weights and invite resentment.
8) Own your opinions as opinions. Last time I checked God doesn't have an account at Inno, so don't act like His or Her representative. When you say something be willing to say "in my opinion." If you are not willing to do that, you might like to have an authoritative source at hand. Most players in this forum are very good at this, but a few times I've seen things that could be opinions stated as facts and that just invites needless controversy.
9) Read and edit. ALWAYS reread what you just wrote. Ask yourself it's as clear as it could be, if it implies any insult to anyone, how the other person is going to take it. One half of your forum post is to express yourself, the other get the reader to understand what you just expressed. Unclear and repetitive rants are often seen as rants. Thus, because the reader sees them as an emotional expression he/she discounts their point.
10) Ask more than tell. Instead of telling a person they are wrong, ask them for their reasoning/evidence, etc. The more you ask (minus sarcasm, I have to add) the more you learn and the more you learn the clearer the question becomes until you arrive at some real, well thought out, position on the matter. And in the long run you might actually find yourself agreeing with that person.
Now of course, in all fairness, I don't always follow my own rules. Sigh. But I do try and think they are a pretty good set of things to consider in our forum interactions.
AJ
1) Put a the best face on it. No matter what a person says it's up to you to interpret it. That means in almost all cases it can be interpreted in several ways. "If a person says "You're ignorant," instead of taking it as a truth (really, why would you take one person's opinion as a truth, anyway), why not ask them for their evidence of why they think that. Assume that their summation of your level of knowledge is based upon evidence and reasoning and ask them to lay it out for you. Sometimes, they actually do have some pretty good reasons for believing that, in this case, you are functioning out of ignorance. So take whatever is said and assume it's an honest view, honestly gained rather than somebody just emoting. Because sometimes it is.
2) Don't discount their response by claiming or implying the only reason they have that response is because they are going to gain something (greed) or merely responding emotionally. Telling the person their view is merely an emotional response, discounts that view and does a disservice to the discussion. In other words, assume it's an honest intellectual view and that it should be responded to with an equally honest and intellectual response. Once you turn to categorizing their response as influenced by some immoral or irrational motive you have changed the discussion to their character, not the subject at hand. This is called an ad hominem response and is considered, itself, illogical.
3) Use sarcasm sparingly or not at all. Unfortunately in a text only conversation sarcasm is easily lost and people often think what you are saying is exactly what you meant. "We believe him, of course," can be taken either way. When I come across this type of statement I try to determine, as we all should, the context and derive what is intended from that. But in text based things, the context is only in the letters and words given (and the emoji's I guess, for those who use them). That leaves a lot of room for error.
4) You are not required to respond. If you are insulted say nothing. One of the "rewards" of attacking another person in a forum is getting a rise out of them. If nobody responds the attacks do stop, though it may take a bit. Bully's and trolls thrive on getting noticed, so simply don't notice them.
5) Beware of your examples. I once used, by way of an example, a controversial subject to describe what I thought was a good example of a rhetorical mistake. My criticism of the rhetoric of the example (I actually agreed with the speaker) was taken to be a criticism of his point and after that it took a lot of effort to bring the discussion back to the original point. Way too much time because the bad example derailed the discussion. So choose wisely.
6) Praise in public as broadly and as often as you can, correct in private as narrowly and as seldom as you can. If you are praising you can easily be wrong about the praise because nobody gets too mad if you are praising something good. Just be sure you are praising something good. And if you are criticizing, you no doubt have an example or two of the behavior you are criticizing, so use them privately if at all possible, and be as narrow and specific as you can.
7) Show some humility, dude. Over time you develop relationships. Some of the people you will be at loggerheads repeatedly. Be willing to admit publicly that you were wrong, ignorant, or whatever, and be specific. Appolgies given seldom hurt you, apolgies witheld become dead weights and invite resentment.
8) Own your opinions as opinions. Last time I checked God doesn't have an account at Inno, so don't act like His or Her representative. When you say something be willing to say "in my opinion." If you are not willing to do that, you might like to have an authoritative source at hand. Most players in this forum are very good at this, but a few times I've seen things that could be opinions stated as facts and that just invites needless controversy.
9) Read and edit. ALWAYS reread what you just wrote. Ask yourself it's as clear as it could be, if it implies any insult to anyone, how the other person is going to take it. One half of your forum post is to express yourself, the other get the reader to understand what you just expressed. Unclear and repetitive rants are often seen as rants. Thus, because the reader sees them as an emotional expression he/she discounts their point.
10) Ask more than tell. Instead of telling a person they are wrong, ask them for their reasoning/evidence, etc. The more you ask (minus sarcasm, I have to add) the more you learn and the more you learn the clearer the question becomes until you arrive at some real, well thought out, position on the matter. And in the long run you might actually find yourself agreeing with that person.
Now of course, in all fairness, I don't always follow my own rules. Sigh. But I do try and think they are a pretty good set of things to consider in our forum interactions.
AJ