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The Divinely Deleterious Effects of _Fellowship Adventures_

Zoof

Well-Known Member
In the days leading up to the Fellowship Adventures, an event decreed by the Gods of the World, a few snippets of conversations can be found in one particular Elven city. All of which speak of dread at the disastrous urban renewal projects that the Lord of the City thrusts upon its soon-to-be-beleaguered citizens. The following are real events, happening to real people, with real consequences. Be not afraid.
The contents that follows are translated from their original language, vetted by the many scholars employed by the Zoof Foundation. All transcripts are verified to be faithful to the original language.
---
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for The Great Upheaval shall smite us all with poverty and fel labors!"
Castien: "Shut up! We'll get through these 'Adventures' just like we've always gotten through them. May our Lord have mercy on us and our children"
---
[The notes indicate flashes of blue light raining down upon the city]
Kesefeon: "Whelp. There goes all the Elixir and Crystal manufactories. Beautiful places, they were. I hope we'll see them again."
Ruven: "Oh hell no! I'm out of a job! Along with a few thousand of my co-workers..."
Jassin: "Uh... guys? The blue light's attacking our homes too..."
---
Castien: "Got our new work orders. Time to start crafting a bunch of toolboxes..."
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for our children sleepeth on dirt paths this come night!"
Castien: "Oh shut up already. Go to the Golden Abyss like everyone else and cuddle up to some of those roving visitors while you're at it."
---
Elluin: "At least we aren't all homeless. Those working conditions, though. It's either digging for marble in a mine that'll barely fit a goblin, a tree that somehow grows already-made planks, or those shoddy tables that our Lord keeps insisting is a 'workshop'. Ah well. At least we get to pick which one of the many, many places to put in a day's labor. As long as it puts food on the table..."
Castien: "You wanna come help make us some toolboxes? We got an order for over a hundred of them"
Elluin: "I guess..."
---
Random Orc: "Where da **** did my fire puppy pit go? I wanted ta feed an pet da doggo..."
---
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY STRAWBERRY ALE!?"
Castien: "Sorry, guv. All the 'shops are busy making toolkits. Be back with ya... soonish?"
Random Dwarf: "BE BACK? I'LL BE BACK WHEN I BREAK YOUR BACK!"
Castien: "Augh! No! I need that to work!"
---
Bemere: "Lord, we're receiving numerous complaints from our fair and upstanding citizens! Some are threatening to establish one of those boorish Human groups that has been the talk of the town. Something called a 'Labor Union'"
Lord ****: "Now, now. No need to get all concerned. The next thing we'll be making is loads of beverages! Gotta stock up on those brewery badges."
Bemere: "Sir? What was that last part?"
Lord ****: "Never you mind. Just send them away and get our tax collectors prepared for the next round."
Bemere: "From where? You put half the houses into cold storage..."
---
Castien: "Thank goodness these ales are cheap and quick to make. Maybe it'll take my mind off..."
Random Dwarf: "GIMMIE MY ALE!!!"
Castien: "No! Stop! I need that to... augh~"
---
Lord ****: "So, run this by me again. After all those toolboxes were made, the dwarves got into the ale supply and started doing WHAT with the toolboxes?"
Bemere: "Sir..."
---
General Rhim: "What the everloving **** did you do to my Sword Dancers!?"
Random Dwarf: "Well... *hic*... your shuffling weenies needed some muscle and grit, so we banged out some these awesome swords and now no one will mess with them! Hahaha!"
---
General Rhim: "My archers!"
Random Dwarf: "Bah. Those pointy sticks ain't nothin! They need to be shooting some real arrows like a real man!"
---
Lord ****: "Well, it could be worse..."
Bemere: "Sir. Half of our Sword Dancer contingent are complaining about broken backs while the other half accidentally... well. There's half of them now."
Lord ****: "Look on the bright side. Our light ranged troops has a heavy ranged option now!"
Bemere: "Sir. They... sir. None of them can actually shoot those monstrosities any further than they can throw them."
Lord ****: "Not my problem! Now. Onto our next project! GIMMIE THOSE CARPENTER BADGES!"
---
Castien: "Another day, another... *sigh*"
Random Dwarf: "MORE ALE!"
---
Bemere: "Sir. The local Golden Abyss is overflowing with our citizens, and they're mingling with the itinerant workers there."
Lord ****: "There's room in the Mountain Halls"
Bemere: "*sigh*... yes sir. Right away, sir."
---
Tanavar: "My Lord, what have you done to this fair city?"
Lord ****: "Getting more badges. Maybe a few thousand more ales will help morale."
Tanavar: "...*sigh*"
---
Castien: "Is it just me or is that Golden Abyss... glowing?"
Rivenor: "Not you! We've been working on building up those wonders since the work orders kept flowing in. I hear My Lord talking something about a Wonder Society? Either way, work's been going real fast lately!"
Castien: "Lucky you..."
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY ALE???"
---
General Rhim: "My Lord, something has to be done about those drunken dwarves! They've collected all the ale, toolboxes, and the advanced..."
Lord ****: "Mm hmm. That's nice. Hey, I've got a few baskets of groceries. You want one?"
General Rhim: "I... y... no. Not now. All the Bud Sorceresses are missing their staves and now they've got nails tied to exceptionally long sticks! You've got to do something!"
Lord ****: "Mmm. I see. Are they still able to set fire to everything?"
General Rhim: "Despite the poorly-fitted equipment, yes. They can."
Lord ****: "Then I don't see what's wrong. Great that they can multiclass to light melee. Keep up the good work!"
General Rhim: *sigh*
---
Random Dwarf: "You stick-armed finger wigglers! You ought to be happy I crafted these fine sword-wands so you can stick it to them as fast as you can fly!"
Bud: *incoherent screaming*

And so it goes. Will this fair city ever recover from the madness? Who knows?
 
Last edited:

Zoof

Well-Known Member
Additional excerpts has been found in the ashes of the various workshops that were burned down during the Mage Resupply Incident. Through careful restoration during the post-FA cleanup, we now know more about how the fine citizens of this random but fair Elven city felt about the Fellowship Adventures.
While a valiant effort was made by the Zoof Foundation to restore the records to legibility, some language nuances were lost. Interviews with eyewitnesses were used to fill in the gaps.
---
Castien: "I feel sorry for the guys who were still employed at the Magic Workshop. Even sorrier for my stomach now that the supply of bread kinda stopped."
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us, for our spouses and our children will be put to rest with nary a crumb in our gullet."
Castien: "Oh shut up, will you? If you want bread, pick up a hammer and go help us fix the magic bakery. Bring your family too while you're at it!"
---
Lord ****: "Muahaha... I've got even more bottled ghosts and guard badges than we can shake a stick at! All because those dwarves decided that putting spikes on those things my golems throw is driving up recruitments and driving away all our enemies!"
Bemere: "Sir? Are you talking to yourself again? Do I need to be recording this?"
Lord ****: "Grk... erh. Ah. No! No no no, that's quite alright. Ah. Get some more sacks of gold for me and rouse the tax collectors!"
Bemere: "Sir. We can't do that. You put the remainder of the residences into stasis, remember? Everyone is either living in the Golden Abyss, the Mountain Halls, or in one of the various Goblin Gift shops or those large sparkling trees that somehow grew during the winter season. None but the Golden Abyss gives off coins"
Lord ****: " *sigh*. Let's go to the spell vault and let's see what we can do."
---
Random Dwarf: "There ya go! A bit of good ol' Dwarven Steel plates to keep that beautiful complexion from getting ruined by those nasty Mist Walkers"
Treant: *confused tree noises*
General Rhim: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BARRACKS!"
---
Random Dwarf A: "And... and the General just yelled at me to get out! Those improvements were genius! Real Dwarven Engineering!"
Random Dwarf B: "Ah. There, there. You'll always have a home here at the Bulwark. Dwarven Engineering is always appreciated here! Another ale?"
Random Dwarf A: *glug*
---
Bemere: "Lord, the supplies output is dropping too quickly to replenish! The two remaining Magic Workshops can't keep up, even with those propsperity spells you keep on them! Not even the Towers can take the shortfall!"
Lord ****: " *sigh*... let's go to the spell vault. Again."
---

Records recovery efforts is still ongoing, but it is plain to see that the Fellowship Adventures indeed takes its toll on the brave inhabitants of the cities upon which it is inflicted.
 
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