Jokes Corner

[Silly Bubbles]

How many multiplayer gamers does it take to fix a lightbulb?​

Zero. You can’t pause a multiplayer game.

 

[Katwick]

Plus, they think the world should turn, rather than their lightbulb.

 

[Silly Bubbles]

Naah, there's no light bulb, what are you talking about!

 

[Katwick]

There was a ZOO that had just ONE dog, nothing else. Most people thought it was a Shih Tzu.

 

[mucksterme]

knock knock

 

[Silly Bubbles]

Who's there?

 

[mucksterme]

A priest, a rabbi and an eskimo walk into a bar.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Katwick]

There was a blind guy in that bar.

He asked the Bartender, "Do you want to hear a Blond Joke?"

Ummm, I'm blond, the barmaid is blond, the guy to your left is blond, and the two guys at the table behind you are blond. Are you SURE you want to tell a Blond Joke??

Nah, not if I'll have to explain it five times.

 

[ajqtrz]

A Rabbi, a Priest and a Pastor were fishing. The pastor was new to the fishing site but the other two had assured him it was a good spot so they rowed out and started fishing. After a long while of not catching anything the Rabbi stood up and said, "I'm going in for a bit." He then stepped out of the boat and walked across the water to the shore. The pastor just watched, dumb struck. Before he could ask the Priest about it though, the Priest stood up and said, "me too. We'll be back in a bit." Then, he too, stepped out of the boat and walked on the water to shore. The Pastor, was again dumstruck. But after a few minutes he thought, "if they can do it, so can I!" So he stood up, took a big breath, and bravely stepped out of the boat. Only to fall into the water and nearly drown. She swims back to the boat, climbs in and tries again. With the same results. And again, and again, determined to do as his two friends had done. Meanwhile, standing on the shore, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and as they sipped their coffee, watching the poor, wet, Pastor, commented, "I knew we should have told him where the rocks are!"

Not original, of course, but still funny.

AJ

 

[Silly Bubbles]

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is “Goodbye.”

 

[ajqtrz]

I agree with @Silly Bubbles that, as they say, "money comes, and money goes." But I add, "but mostly, it goes.

 

[Yogi Dave]

@Silly Bubbles The origami version:

 

[Yogi Dave]

A termite walks into an ol' timey saloon and asks, "Where's the bar tender?"
.
.
.
Hmm, tough crowd tonight, but please save the rest of your rotten tomatoes for the following act.

 

[Glandeh]

What was Russia's most secretive insect?

The Cagey Bee

 

[ajqtrz]

What sign do you see most often at a boa constrictor bar?

Spoiler: Answer

"No Hugging"

It's a Dad Joke

 

[mucksterme]

How do you confuse a dumb guy?

 

[Darielle]

Shakespeare asked his buddy Jonathan Swift: "Hey, do you think we ought to invite John Milton to our dice game?"

Jonathan said, "Heck no! Whenever we invite him, there's always a pair o' dice lost!

 

[Yogi Dave]

Carl Jung sees Albert Einstein in a bar and joins him. After they talk a bit, Carl ask, "Eins stein, Einstein?"

 

[mucksterme]

Two married American music professors visit Beethoven's grave in Vienna.
As they stand there they can hear weird discordant music.
One of them takes out his phone and records it.
When they get back home they study it over and over and realize it is The Fifth Symphony playing backwards.
The wife asks, "What could this mean?"
The husband says, "Isn't it obvious? That is Beethoven decomposing."

Don't bother yourself.
I can see myself out.

 

[Yavimaya]

What did the circle say to the triangle?

You're pointless.