Some Theory Behind When Complaining Isn't Complaining

[Ashrem]

I make it a practice to complain about events. Even, sometimes, events I will defend against others complaints. That is a deliberate choice, and one in which I am not alone.

Sometimes, it's because the event is bad, most often it's because the event is mediocre, occasionally it's because the event is okay. (There really are never great events.) It's always because I don't want the developers to become complacent and think they can rest on their laurels or should do less next time. If the developers ever get the idea that players are happy, it encourages them to slack off (at best), shake things up in sometimes painfully stupid ways, or take things away (at worst). Micro-transaction businesses thrive on slightly-unhappy players, who can be made happy if they spend a little bit of money. Complaints serve multiple purposes, clarifying deficiencies, and showing the developers that things are not perfect.

I don't take it personally when I am defending an event from someone else's criticism, and I hope others feel the same. Squeaky wheels are what make games better. Be squeaky.

 

[Darielle]

I am the type to be squeaky, but I do want to wait to get a sense of the whole year before I compare one to another. I've been through one Autumn, Winter and Carnival. That's not enough yet to form a good overall opinion. But you will certainly hear from me once I get a year under my belt or sooner, if something is really egregious.

 

[ajqtrz]

I do not know how I missed this post on such an interesting subject. Complaining is, of course, a universal activity of the human species (I think I'm pretty sure it's 100% because if there is a non-complainer out there he or she would have to tell me about it and that would make it 100%! LOL)., and it's an important one, as Ashrem implies. It's important because it does two things.

First, a complaint notifies those around you, possibly including some who can and perhaps should do something about your complaint, that you are not in an optimum state. I say "you," since it is you who are stating how the thing effects you -- directly or indirectly. So all complaints are, eventually, personal and communicate your state of being.

Second, a complaint usually points out to a specific discomfort, implies the cause of that discomfort, and often offers a solution. "The weather sure is hot today" implies the speaker's discomfort, directly says the cause of that discomfort, and implies the solution, a cooler day.

Having said that there are ineffective complaints too. The characteristics of an ineffective complaint are:

1) Too vague. "I feel miserable," is a complaint, but if that's as far as it goes the listener has to request more information, and, sometimes they don't because they fear the opposite extreme.
2) Too detailed. "My left toe is swollen from my gout. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that pork sandwich. You know gout is a disease which.... It runs in my family" and so on and so on. Not only is the information abundant, much of it, even to a doctor, is a waste of time. Do I really need to tell that doctor what gout is and it's causes? Doe he or she need to know how my neighbor uses vinegar to treat her gout? To complain this way, btw, is a chief hobby of many of us older Americans.
3) Addressing the wrong person(s). Asking your buddies who have no stock market experience to evaluate the performance of our current brokerage firm by complaining that "they charge too much and I'm not getting the return on my investments I expect" isn't addressing the right audience.
4) Not wanting a solution. "I hate my doctor. She's always poking and prodding and never listens." I've heard so many times. But when I suggest they change doctors? "Oh, no, I've been with her for thirty years, I could never do that!" Or when I suggest they talk to their doctor about their concerns (see number 3 above), "Yeah, I should do that," and then, right back to "but she won't listen...and on into a repeat of the same complaint. Over the next few weeks the same complaint and not one solution is taken. Thus, I conclude, the person at the time has not reached a point where he/she wants a solution and thus should stop complaining.
5) Trying the same solution over and over, and then complaining that it 'isn't working." If you have gone to twenty car mechanics and all of them are "crooks," yes, you are trying the same solution and getting the same results. But eventually either all mechanics are, indeed crooks, you have had an incredibly long string of really bad luck, or your expectations are out of whack with what a car mechanic is supposed to do. If you complain, for instance, your car smells and one mechanic finds leaks in your exhaust, another coolant leaking onto the manifold, and another a burning brake lining, and all three are fixed but the car still smells, try cleaning out the pile of half eaten food you've consumed and thrown on the back seat! Sometimes what we think is the cause of our discomfort, and insist is the cause of our discomfort, isn't. Sometimes the fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves as I believe Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet? (or perhaps Othello?)
6) Complaining about something which shouldn't be changed or can't be changed as if it could. "Why don't they server butter-pecan-strawberry-swirl-mint-julep-peanutbutter-salmon ice cream instead of vanilla?" Are you kidding? Do they even make that kind of ice-cream and if so, who would want it? So few, I would imagine, that the chances of getting the restaurant to switch are somewhere between nil and nil-1! But you will complain anyway. (If you haven't noticed this one just shows a general ignorance of why they server vanilla, strawberry and chocolate ice creams instead of butter-pecan-strawberry-swirl-mint-julep-peanutbutter-salmon. A lot of these types of complaints are out of ignorance but even when you explain why they do what they do the complainer just keeps complaining -- see numbers 4 and 5 above).

Well, that's my take on complaining. Sorry I didn't see Ashrem's post earlier. It's an interesting topic.

AJ

 

[Dreamyn2]

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” (Julius Caesar, Act I, Scene III, L. 140-141).

 

[Iamaita]

I would suggest another reason why complainers feel a need to share their woes instead of just being quietly disgruntled. Commiseration can build comaraderie, provide comfort, and reduce feelings of isolation. Sometimes people complain as a way of reaching out. Sometimes being heard is enough. Sharing burdens can lighten them, even if you only receive emotional support instead of tangible assistance with a solution or useful advice. Or sometimes people just want reassurance that they aren't the odd man out who dislikes something everyone else loves. I have typically interpreted the cliche "misery loves company" to mean that miserable people complain and spread their misery around to everyone they meet. But maybe a better interpretation is that if you are going to be miserable, solidarity from other people with similar complaints makes the misery a little more tolerable.

 

[shimmerfly]

Dang it where is that like button??.

 

[ajqtrz]

@lamaita Good point. Yes, I think complaining does build camaraderie to a degree. This is probably true about things that effect everyone in the group and may be why we complain about the weather as a matter of course (and occassionally say something nice about it too, I would imagine). But when it comes to individualized complaints, an habit of complaining is probably more divisive than helpful on that score. Most people just get tired of somebody who is habitually bringing up every ailment and aggravation in their lives, especially if, having been given good advice as to how to end the ailment or aggravation, they come back a week later having not done a thing about it and still wanting to complain. Argggg....

AJ