@Algenon
The important point here that has not been mentioned:
You have a choice of Catering to win a tournament encounter (called 'Convincing' to win a Spire encounter) by wagering Goods instead of fighting.
All of the advice that you asked for is the advice that you have received, and it is all one-sided about fighting. All from experienced players.
After a while, we all build up the abilities that we need to fight our way all the way through Tournaments and to the top of the Spire.
Beginning players do not have these abilities and they have to Cater and Convince for most encounters in Tourney and Spire until they get to a certain point. Please look up help videos for Elvenar Spire in Youtube and elsewhere and they all, with a few exceptions, teach you how to effectively Convince your way, at least 2/3 of the way to the top of the Spire. They concentrate on Convincing for a reason: that is the most effective way open to beginning players.
You need to find the balance of Catering/Convincing and fighting that is comfortable for you while you build up your fighting abilities; they will increase over time.
Finally, Elvenar is a game of
resource management. You need to build the basics. If you run out out supplies, goods, population or culture, you will stall. You will become 'tech-locked' (stalling in the progression of the research tree). You first need to manage your resources sufficiently so that you have enough to Cater and Convince as well as build.