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Zoof
Well-Known Member
In the days leading up to the Fellowship Adventures, an event decreed by the Gods of the World, a few snippets of conversations can be found in one particular Elven city. All of which speak of dread at the disastrous urban renewal projects that the Lord of the City thrusts upon its soon-to-be-beleaguered citizens. The following are real events, happening to real people, with real consequences. Be not afraid.
The contents that follows are translated from their original language, vetted by the many scholars employed by the Zoof Foundation. All transcripts are verified to be faithful to the original language.
---
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for The Great Upheaval shall smite us all with poverty and fel labors!"
Castien: "Shut up! We'll get through these 'Adventures' just like we've always gotten through them. May our Lord have mercy on us and our children"
---
[The notes indicate flashes of blue light raining down upon the city]
Kesefeon: "Whelp. There goes all the Elixir and Crystal manufactories. Beautiful places, they were. I hope we'll see them again."
Ruven: "Oh hell no! I'm out of a job! Along with a few thousand of my co-workers..."
Jassin: "Uh... guys? The blue light's attacking our homes too..."
---
Castien: "Got our new work orders. Time to start crafting a bunch of toolboxes..."
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for our children sleepeth on dirt paths this come night!"
Castien: "Oh shut up already. Go to the Golden Abyss like everyone else and cuddle up to some of those roving visitors while you're at it."
---
Elluin: "At least we aren't all homeless. Those working conditions, though. It's either digging for marble in a mine that'll barely fit a goblin, a tree that somehow grows already-made planks, or those shoddy tables that our Lord keeps insisting is a 'workshop'. Ah well. At least we get to pick which one of the many, many places to put in a day's labor. As long as it puts food on the table..."
Castien: "You wanna come help make us some toolboxes? We got an order for over a hundred of them"
Elluin: "I guess..."
---
Random Orc: "Where da **** did my fire puppy pit go? I wanted ta feed an pet da doggo..."
---
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY STRAWBERRY ALE!?"
Castien: "Sorry, guv. All the 'shops are busy making toolkits. Be back with ya... soonish?"
Random Dwarf: "BE BACK? I'LL BE BACK WHEN I BREAK YOUR BACK!"
Castien: "Augh! No! I need that to work!"
---
Bemere: "Lord, we're receiving numerous complaints from our fair and upstanding citizens! Some are threatening to establish one of those boorish Human groups that has been the talk of the town. Something called a 'Labor Union'"
Lord ****: "Now, now. No need to get all concerned. The next thing we'll be making is loads of beverages! Gotta stock up on those brewery badges."
Bemere: "Sir? What was that last part?"
Lord ****: "Never you mind. Just send them away and get our tax collectors prepared for the next round."
Bemere: "From where? You put half the houses into cold storage..."
---
Castien: "Thank goodness these ales are cheap and quick to make. Maybe it'll take my mind off..."
Random Dwarf: "GIMMIE MY ALE!!!"
Castien: "No! Stop! I need that to... augh~"
---
Lord ****: "So, run this by me again. After all those toolboxes were made, the dwarves got into the ale supply and started doing WHAT with the toolboxes?"
Bemere: "Sir..."
---
General Rhim: "What the everloving **** did you do to my Sword Dancers!?"
Random Dwarf: "Well... *hic*... your shuffling weenies needed some muscle and grit, so we banged out some these awesome swords and now no one will mess with them! Hahaha!"
---
General Rhim: "My archers!"
Random Dwarf: "Bah. Those pointy sticks ain't nothin! They need to be shooting some real arrows like a real man!"
---
Lord ****: "Well, it could be worse..."
Bemere: "Sir. Half of our Sword Dancer contingent are complaining about broken backs while the other half accidentally... well. There's half of them now."
Lord ****: "Look on the bright side. Our light ranged troops has a heavy ranged option now!"
Bemere: "Sir. They... sir. None of them can actually shoot those monstrosities any further than they can throw them."
Lord ****: "Not my problem! Now. Onto our next project! GIMMIE THOSE CARPENTER BADGES!"
---
Castien: "Another day, another... *sigh*"
Random Dwarf: "MORE ALE!"
---
Bemere: "Sir. The local Golden Abyss is overflowing with our citizens, and they're mingling with the itinerant workers there."
Lord ****: "There's room in the Mountain Halls"
Bemere: "*sigh*... yes sir. Right away, sir."
---
Tanavar: "My Lord, what have you done to this fair city?"
Lord ****: "Getting more badges. Maybe a few thousand more ales will help morale."
Tanavar: "...*sigh*"
---
Castien: "Is it just me or is that Golden Abyss... glowing?"
Rivenor: "Not you! We've been working on building up those wonders since the work orders kept flowing in. I hear My Lord talking something about a Wonder Society? Either way, work's been going real fast lately!"
Castien: "Lucky you..."
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY ALE???"
---
General Rhim: "My Lord, something has to be done about those drunken dwarves! They've collected all the ale, toolboxes, and the advanced..."
Lord ****: "Mm hmm. That's nice. Hey, I've got a few baskets of groceries. You want one?"
General Rhim: "I... y... no. Not now. All the Bud Sorceresses are missing their staves and now they've got nails tied to exceptionally long sticks! You've got to do something!"
Lord ****: "Mmm. I see. Are they still able to set fire to everything?"
General Rhim: "Despite the poorly-fitted equipment, yes. They can."
Lord ****: "Then I don't see what's wrong. Great that they can multiclass to light melee. Keep up the good work!"
General Rhim: *sigh*
---
Random Dwarf: "You stick-armed finger wigglers! You ought to be happy I crafted these fine sword-wands so you can stick it to them as fast as you can fly!"
Bud: *incoherent screaming*
And so it goes. Will this fair city ever recover from the madness? Who knows?
The contents that follows are translated from their original language, vetted by the many scholars employed by the Zoof Foundation. All transcripts are verified to be faithful to the original language.
---
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for The Great Upheaval shall smite us all with poverty and fel labors!"
Castien: "Shut up! We'll get through these 'Adventures' just like we've always gotten through them. May our Lord have mercy on us and our children"
---
[The notes indicate flashes of blue light raining down upon the city]
Kesefeon: "Whelp. There goes all the Elixir and Crystal manufactories. Beautiful places, they were. I hope we'll see them again."
Ruven: "Oh hell no! I'm out of a job! Along with a few thousand of my co-workers..."
Jassin: "Uh... guys? The blue light's attacking our homes too..."
---
Castien: "Got our new work orders. Time to start crafting a bunch of toolboxes..."
Faelyn: "Oh woe betide us all, for our children sleepeth on dirt paths this come night!"
Castien: "Oh shut up already. Go to the Golden Abyss like everyone else and cuddle up to some of those roving visitors while you're at it."
---
Elluin: "At least we aren't all homeless. Those working conditions, though. It's either digging for marble in a mine that'll barely fit a goblin, a tree that somehow grows already-made planks, or those shoddy tables that our Lord keeps insisting is a 'workshop'. Ah well. At least we get to pick which one of the many, many places to put in a day's labor. As long as it puts food on the table..."
Castien: "You wanna come help make us some toolboxes? We got an order for over a hundred of them"
Elluin: "I guess..."
---
Random Orc: "Where da **** did my fire puppy pit go? I wanted ta feed an pet da doggo..."
---
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY STRAWBERRY ALE!?"
Castien: "Sorry, guv. All the 'shops are busy making toolkits. Be back with ya... soonish?"
Random Dwarf: "BE BACK? I'LL BE BACK WHEN I BREAK YOUR BACK!"
Castien: "Augh! No! I need that to work!"
---
Bemere: "Lord, we're receiving numerous complaints from our fair and upstanding citizens! Some are threatening to establish one of those boorish Human groups that has been the talk of the town. Something called a 'Labor Union'"
Lord ****: "Now, now. No need to get all concerned. The next thing we'll be making is loads of beverages! Gotta stock up on those brewery badges."
Bemere: "Sir? What was that last part?"
Lord ****: "Never you mind. Just send them away and get our tax collectors prepared for the next round."
Bemere: "From where? You put half the houses into cold storage..."
---
Castien: "Thank goodness these ales are cheap and quick to make. Maybe it'll take my mind off..."
Random Dwarf: "GIMMIE MY ALE!!!"
Castien: "No! Stop! I need that to... augh~"
---
Lord ****: "So, run this by me again. After all those toolboxes were made, the dwarves got into the ale supply and started doing WHAT with the toolboxes?"
Bemere: "Sir..."
---
General Rhim: "What the everloving **** did you do to my Sword Dancers!?"
Random Dwarf: "Well... *hic*... your shuffling weenies needed some muscle and grit, so we banged out some these awesome swords and now no one will mess with them! Hahaha!"
---
General Rhim: "My archers!"
Random Dwarf: "Bah. Those pointy sticks ain't nothin! They need to be shooting some real arrows like a real man!"
---
Lord ****: "Well, it could be worse..."
Bemere: "Sir. Half of our Sword Dancer contingent are complaining about broken backs while the other half accidentally... well. There's half of them now."
Lord ****: "Look on the bright side. Our light ranged troops has a heavy ranged option now!"
Bemere: "Sir. They... sir. None of them can actually shoot those monstrosities any further than they can throw them."
Lord ****: "Not my problem! Now. Onto our next project! GIMMIE THOSE CARPENTER BADGES!"
---
Castien: "Another day, another... *sigh*"
Random Dwarf: "MORE ALE!"
---
Bemere: "Sir. The local Golden Abyss is overflowing with our citizens, and they're mingling with the itinerant workers there."
Lord ****: "There's room in the Mountain Halls"
Bemere: "*sigh*... yes sir. Right away, sir."
---
Tanavar: "My Lord, what have you done to this fair city?"
Lord ****: "Getting more badges. Maybe a few thousand more ales will help morale."
Tanavar: "...*sigh*"
---
Castien: "Is it just me or is that Golden Abyss... glowing?"
Rivenor: "Not you! We've been working on building up those wonders since the work orders kept flowing in. I hear My Lord talking something about a Wonder Society? Either way, work's been going real fast lately!"
Castien: "Lucky you..."
Random Dwarf: "WHERE'S MY ALE???"
---
General Rhim: "My Lord, something has to be done about those drunken dwarves! They've collected all the ale, toolboxes, and the advanced..."
Lord ****: "Mm hmm. That's nice. Hey, I've got a few baskets of groceries. You want one?"
General Rhim: "I... y... no. Not now. All the Bud Sorceresses are missing their staves and now they've got nails tied to exceptionally long sticks! You've got to do something!"
Lord ****: "Mmm. I see. Are they still able to set fire to everything?"
General Rhim: "Despite the poorly-fitted equipment, yes. They can."
Lord ****: "Then I don't see what's wrong. Great that they can multiclass to light melee. Keep up the good work!"
General Rhim: *sigh*
---
Random Dwarf: "You stick-armed finger wigglers! You ought to be happy I crafted these fine sword-wands so you can stick it to them as fast as you can fly!"
Bud: *incoherent screaming*
And so it goes. Will this fair city ever recover from the madness? Who knows?
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